Feminism Hurts...

  ...Our love lives, among other things. It’s snake-like deceptions have crept into every area of life. The workplace is where we’d like it to be - sitting on a thousand desks looking like Doctoral degrees, shiny medals and trophies for intellectual achievements. We think that it’s separate. Surely it’ll sit content on the desk with my “good as a man” trophies and leave home life alone. Like a Starbucks latte, it carries me through the day and gets me to the end of the tunnel - 5:00p.m. and my evening of freedom. Or better yet, the weekend off with the love of my life. I’ll “switch gears,” and be the girl of his dreams as soon as I slip into a little black dress and a sultry smile.  Isn’t that how this is supposed to work?

Recently I’ve been giving thought to the many subtle ways in which feminism speaks to us. It whispers in our ears more often than the Gossip in the cubicle next to you at work. The sad thing is, because it’s not as annoying as s/he might be, most of us don’t notice. We soak it up like the sunshine - thinking it’s good for us.  Has Feminism really delivered the goods it promised us as women? Are we liberated? Are we truly free to be truly feminine and truly equal?  I don’t think so.

In a sense, Feminism has defeated its chief goal. By assuming that women are not equal as long as they are different in purpose (and design) than men, it’s made “equality” and “femininity” mutually exclusive. What’s a girl to do? Most of us become as much like men as possible, and wait for the applause of other “powerful” women across the globe. In the meantime, we shuffle home from the daily grind at the office to switch roles and be good wives and moms during those few evening hours. In an effort to have it all, Feminism has given women nothing more than all the confusion, hurt, depression and isolation that comes with chasing the shadows of something we can never be.

In the process, women have suffered in their relationships, too. Life is not a stage, and all the people actors on it. We’re simply not satisfied with having to change our colors and character for every situation - be it work, home, date night, or mothering. In an effort to be all things to all people, we’re left feeling like who we truly are will never be enough.  Feminism has made women promises that it can’t keep, and it’s casualties are the women and children it professes to care the most about.  Consider this clip from “How Feminism Hurt Our Love Lives,” by Dr. Wendy Walsh:

“In some ways, we are too independent. For, we have lost the art of being interdependent.
I think the whole feminist movement is a bit of a misnomer anyway -- feminism didn’t liberate femininity. Feminism liberated masculine energy in women. It was a masculinist movement. This is a good thing. Because of masculism, er, I mean feminism, we can now procure income in the male dominated marketplace and buy ourselves any kind of life we want. Those of us who aren’t completely fulfilled baking cookies can now choose to fly jets, put out fires, or handcuff bad guys. We can also look for a cure for cancer, design computer programs, and sink basketballs, if those things suit our fancy.

“But make no bones about it, feminism did not liberate femininity. In fact, I think it did the opposite. It pushed femininity in the closet, turning feminine traits into embarrassingly weak elements of our personality -- a side that we began to show to fewer and fewer people.”  


Ladies, this is the tragedy of feminism. In an age where a woman can become Speaker of the House, and run for President of the United States, we still can’t understand why we’re unhappy. Our career choices are more easily made than the more important one of who we’ll spend the rest of our life with. We hide our feelings, keep the frilly, pretty things at home in the closet (they’re not professional enough), wear the pants and play tough in a “man’s world.” When the lights go out at the end of the day, we cry ourselves to sleep. Why? Because this isn’t what we were made to do. And we’re too ashamed to let anyone else see who we really are... afraid that they’ll see some shade of womanhood that isn’t fit for the title of CEO.

Feminism hurts. Let’s turn the tide so that women are free to be feminine again; free to be what God created us to be: different, but equal.